If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
