put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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