he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
