explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
