Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
