if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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