"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
