At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
