he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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