the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
