he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
