Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pants are for mortals
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
