In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize