Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
