Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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