his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They have beer where we have blood.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
