I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
