He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize