the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
God I need to hump something, right now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
