I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
