I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
