To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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