id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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