dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
