his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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