No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
