Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize