Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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