i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
