Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
