The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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