if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize