can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
