My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
