Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
