PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize