in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
