I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Drake has all the answers
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
