I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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