Taylor Swift is so right about you.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
