remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
sex in a hospital.. check
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
