I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
whose parrot is this?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
