Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
