You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
