I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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