Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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