I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
