no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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