totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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