mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
