did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
