I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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