That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize