Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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