Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
