do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
