He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
