Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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