So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
