It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You made out with two different species that night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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