I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
