we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
