Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
