he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Less talking, more tequila
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
