i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
