I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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